As i sit in my cubicle space listening to some evanescence (whisper). I said to my self. what am i doing with my life. Yknow like really what is my goal, what have i been set here to do. Away from money i realized that my mind was blank.. I’ve been brain washed by society, friends, and hardships of life i guess to only having one thing on my mind… MONEY truely is the root of evil, and sadly we all need it just to get by.

I’m tired of my daily routines to tell you the truth. Work isn’t much fun any more and the wonderful friends that I have at work.. aren’t all that wonderful. there’s really maybe 2 of them, How long will these friendships last I dont know?? What i’m saying really is right now.. i really dont know what i’m doing with my life.

I was reading afrodite’s blog a few days ago and i definatly picked one thing out of it that i must do.. stop taking my family for granted.. i think i rely on my friends mor ethan my family, I mean i’m kinda harsh on my mom and lil bro at times and he’s only….. I dont even remember his age.. how horrid right.. i dunno any more man.. i’m gonna die and leave this all eventually anyway. This wave of depression might just send me where i’m going sooner than later. I’ve been having really bad dreams as of late there is no happiness. Yesterday morning before my mom left for work.. i called her and i hugged her.. something that before that i honestly dont knwo when i did it.. if i ever did it since i was 19.. :(. my brother i’ve started talking to more.. even though were like yars apart i’m trying to find some common ground to speak to him on.. cuase the age gap between us will never be reduced.. maybe i can get him into a few th8ings that i like.. photography maybe.. i dunno… I’m thinking of planning little hobbies and trips for us all in the future.. maybe that’ll bring a gilimer of light back into my life cause i need it.. i definatly need it.. whatever “it” is i know its missing.

Relationships i no longer fuss over i’ve been single for as long as i can remember maybe highschool. I’ve cut out the want / need to be with someone behaviour. Some people are just meant to be alone i dunno when i want companionship i generally have those kind of “girl friends” to call on, and no i dont just mean sex. um..right now i’m just staring at the flourescent light rod in the cieling and typing.. when i move my head i’m sure i’ll be blind.. or see that light spot for a few hours… lol.. i kinda needed to not see anybody in my office while righting this to clear my head. i know this might seem jumbled but.. its how my brain is worki at the moment pretty un organized i need to straighten stuff out..

um.. whenever